The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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