from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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