he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
