He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
