im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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