based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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