I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
