last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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