# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
