My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Randomize
