i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
porn star boner night. come get it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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