The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're using joints as your birthday candles
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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