I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
