Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
