Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
