I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
