Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
