There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
