I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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