dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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