just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
