She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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