the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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