Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
