No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
