note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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