Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
