At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
