it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
