she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was born a porn star she said
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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