By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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