I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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