Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
