nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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