my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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