That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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