You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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