There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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