This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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