He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
