got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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