I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
