After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
