she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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