just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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