i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
