I cockslap morals
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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