the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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