Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
time to smoke my breakfast
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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