The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
