First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
