i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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