I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
