the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
