I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
