Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
