The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
