well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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