so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
