Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
