whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
