I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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