If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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