At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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