Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sext me about skeletons
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
