someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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