You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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